Flat Hunting

I forgot to brush my teeth this morning.
And yesterday.
And probably the day before that but -
I forget what day that was?

Emails come before lunch,
today's house special is a tasty studio.
rich quality - meaning out of my price range.
Tasteful - meaning in the middle of nowhere.
But it has a private garden?

But happily enough I feel like an adult to have
no lunch break - only more work
no money though I spend all my time earning
and no sleep/rest/end in sight of this all consuming life that they told us we should dread.

*** An answer to why I haven't been posting regularly, apologies. But hopefully this stress may be over soon and I can return to writing once again!

Holding Words.

Even -
your temper.
Bite down on your chewed tongue.

It should be easy by now.
Silence is second nature.
Losing is routine.
I am passive to survive.

Whatever I carelessly throw out -
is returned and doubled.

A small grumble,
a snapped retort,
a thoughtless roar.

Soon stretches out into a day of
grey skies and thunder -
dodging the lightning and praying for brief sun.

I am good at holding words.
Rolling them around until they taste right.

I can close my palms around all the ones I want to say -
and squeeze them lightly,
until they are subdued.

I am good at holding words.

Falling Apart (Part 2)

He works a needle through my skin -
and threads me back together.

Sand pours back into my bones,
grain by grain.
until I remember how to sew a smile.

But my material is stretched and cheap...
and i can't help falling apart around him.

Falling Apart (Part 1)

i am trapped in a bath that's gone cold.

Unwilling to get out,
knowing that i should.
Splashing in sadness i wallow like a creature
that must live here.

Water creeps into my ears until
my mind is treading memories.
It wants to unpick my soggy stitches,
until my material freys and tears apart
and sand leaks out of me until i fall flat.

i want to be alone and unloved and undone.

How Quiet The World Was - Pantoum

Before the dawn I stood,

tracing frost on a window pane.

Chill creeping in through coat sleeves,

how quiet the world was.

Tracing frost on a window pane,

silence unbroken by birds.

How quiet the world was,

when covered with blankets of cloud.

Silence unbroken by birds,

freezing in foreign headlights.

When covered with blankets of cloud,

I waited for life to start.

Freezing in foreign headlights,

surrounded by crisp silence.

I waited for life to start,

and I wondered if I was alone.

Surrounded by crisp silence,

chill creeping in through coat sleeves,

I wondered if I was alone,

when before the dawn I stood.

Hourglass - Sonnet

We are seduced by sand, promising time,

enthralled by each other, yet unsure of

how long we will have left together, I'm

uncertain. Time plays us for fools in love.

When seconds stretch too far for us, akin

to hours, gifting minutes, time to tell you

of the shatter glass that ruptures my skin,

when you pack yourself away, ready to

turn the glass back over. Start time again.

Count minutes on your journey back, for me.

Constraints broken, no obligation, when

you have been released from my cage, breathe free.

But say you’ll miss me even so, I will

return the thought, when I have time to kill.