Monday 23 March 2015

Trading in Grandma

"Hi there! How can I help you today miss?" The overly perky male attendent smiled expectantly into the defiantly flippy-fringed and overly made-up face, blatantly ignoring the slightly creased but still perfectly functional piece she was holding. 
"Uh yeah I'd like to trade in grandma." Her bored tone suggested the 'I couldn't care less' stage of her life was already in full swing, although the dark circles carefully drawn round her eyes implied the boredom was also very deliberately applied for show, she was the kind of customer that made this whole enterprise worthwhile. 
"Certainly, did you have anything in mind for the exchange?" The old lady at her side opened her mouth as if to suggest something, thought better of it, and kept quiet again, eyes averted. It was clear this kind of decision didn't involve her input and she would just be seen as a nuisance if she attempted to deliver it. 
"Well her original label was June, I was thinking some kind of variation of that?" The girl played a hard bargain, not giving all the answers, expecting the quality of service given to all of her friends before her most probably.




"Ahh yes another June! Very good model to work with I find, abbreviates nicely to Ju; casual and modern sounding, makes you feel on the same level in my opinion." The man sold himself, using extravagant hand gestures as if to physically push his points onto the young girl, whose eyes remained judgemental in her consideration of the deal.
"Alright, what perks do I receive with the change?" His face lit up with selling-points.
"Well what an intuitive question to ask! This name happens to be a very good deal for added respect and dignity when addressing 'Ju', especially while in public situations. Overall it reduces embarrassment, and therefore stress, and even comes with the family bonus of making everyone feel modern and efficient in their associates!" His breathing had picked up a little by the end of his dialogue, as if he had been performing an elaborate tap routine while presenting his sales pitch, the girl beamed for a second at the vast opportunities laid out before her so easily within reach, before double-backing on herself and looking back shrewdly at the man. 
"And what's the catch? There's got to be something in this for you.." He smiled nervously at the accusation and almost stammered out an excuse.
"W-well there is a slight drawback in that it can create a little isolation between the new trade-in and the families they come from, and a lack of self-confidence or, in the worst cases, lost sense of purpose, but this is all to be expected with a trade-in of title as big as this." His eyes darted from the girl to the floor, this was the question he always dreaded answering, there was no way to sugar-coat the cost and most customers would just stumble blindly into it and then assume it was a natural part of the transaction.
"Alright, we've got a deal." The girl had hard-lined him, and still picked up on the offer, this was a good day.
As she walked out, arm in arm with 'Ju', she could feel all of the new opportunities opening up to her, no family ties or embarrassing childhoods to hold her back. Ju cleared her throat tentatively and looked up into the girls face.
"You know darling, I would still like you to call me grandma, it's the best title I've ever had!" Then she smiled pleadingly at her youngest grandchild, hoping that she could hold on to at least one of her little treasures.
"Ugh gran you know it's embarrassing to call you that, that's why I traded it in! You're 'Ju' now isn't that so much better? You're getting more out of this than me don't you feel so free, like you've got no more responsibilities?" And with a grumpy-teenage sigh the girl tugged Ju into motion along the pavement to the bus stop.

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